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Living below sea level not that bad, say climate change experts

A scientist who denies he has links to the oil industry has slammed what he calls "the British obsession with staying above water". "If people are sensible enough to invest in an oxygen tank and a pair of flippers", says Dr Everard Riley, "they need no longer fear the day when they look out their window and see fish swimming past". Living below sea level has many advantages, he claims. Water charges and air pollution will be a thing of the past and people will no longer have to put up with smokers.

Meanwhile, estate agent Ron Morley has plans for a new housing estate on - but soon off - the south coast. He believes it will be ideal for young couples getting onto the property ladder: "You will be living in a community of two-storey houses with a stunning view of the sea floor with its historic landmarks. From your window you'll see the rich history and culture of southern England embodied in its amazing variety of abandoned cars, bicycles and supermarket trolleys".

Residents of this development can look forward to a varied diet of seafood "with hundreds of species of fish you can reach out and grab without getting up from your sofa", Mr Morley says. "And for vegetarians we have some delicious plankton recipes on our website". It will also have the most efficient sewage disposal ever devised: "Before you've even finished zipping up your pants your waste matter will be in the sea where it belongs".

"Our houses are built to last, with extra-strength sharkproof double glazing", says the brochure. "In the future they will be in huge demand from people getting away from the stifling heat of the tropical rainforest of Sussex. Pets who can survive under water are welcome, and your goldfish in particular will appreciate the freedom of being able to swim around your living room instead of being cooped up in a tiny bowl".

Although all units have been sold in advance, Mr Morley says prospective buyers should keep an eye out for houses coming back on the market: "You'll always get some careless resident who plugs in his electric heater after coming home from the pub and turns his whole house into a Texas execution chamber".

image from pixabay

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