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Local dog-walker 'gutted' after failure to stumble upon grisly murder scene

A 54-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London has told a local newspaper that he was extremely disappointed when he failed to discover the body of a murder victim while walking his new puppy at the weekend.

Toby Dell, a gravity die-caster from Vallance Road, told The East London Gazette: "I was really looking forward to taking the dog out for his first walk and stumbling on a dead body in some dense undergrowth after he'd run in to investigate the scent of a decomposing body.

"However, after spending over an hour in Mile End Park, going close to all the undergrowth I could find, I came back home with absolutely no murder scene to my name.

"I was really looking forward to stumbling across a mutilated corpse and calling the cops to report it.

"I could have been interviewed on BBC London News by that Alice Bandrakarvy or one of her colleagues, so I'm pretty gutted to be honest.

"If this continues for much longer I'll get rid of the dog or get the missus to take it out in future"

Statistics show that 98 per cent of murder victims are discovered by dog walkers, usually after the owner has accidentally thrown the dog's ball into a densely wooded area or thick undergrowth.

Danny Soz

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