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Man insists on calling moderately unusual events ‘absolute scenes'




A Telford man is insisting on referring to nearly every event that happens to him and his mates as ‘absolute scenes’, despite the events being mind-numbingly run-of-the-mill, it has been confirmed.


‘TOTAL SCENES at the Punjab Tandoori last night with Chalky and ‘Two Starters’ Mick’, regaled Pete McBride on Facebook.


‘Two Stools wanted some pilau rice but they only had basmati, so he ended up getting a saag aloo and some gobi and just mixed everything together with his chicken tikka. Hashtag utter mayhem’


‘Complete scenes at work today too’ continued McBride. ‘Jodie from sales tried to change the toner in the photocopier, but clearly forgot to shut the paper feed drawer properly and was stood there wondering why the hell her monthly figures weren’t copying. Error code scenes of the highest order!’


'Studies have shown that people consistently over-estimate the extent to which events they are involved in with their friends are unusual, or worthy of reporting to a third-party audience’, noted Peter Davies, Professor of Psychology.


‘In reality, 95% of events described as absolute, total, or unbelievable scenes fall within 0.3 standard deviations of the average amount of excitement generated by that activity’.


'We've just published a paper on this exact issue in the British Medical Journal’, noted Davies. ‘When the paper was published, you should have seen the ABSOLUTE SCENES ’.


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