The Metropolitan police have conceded that their barrel of apples 'might be a bit rotten', based on the conviction rate of a significant number of serving officers. 'We think it's the old "good cop, bad cop" syndrome, introduced in the last twenty years,' admitted a senior policeman. 'Unfortunately we were forced to cut a lot of posts by the government and a disproportionate number of good cops left, leaving more bad cops than we anticipated,' he added.
To remedy the imbalance a number of officers from the Serious Crime unit have been seconded to identify the bad cops, but to date all they've done is complain that the people they've interviewed have insisted on turning their chairs around the wrong way, have blown smoke in their faces and have eaten all the sandwiches while the interviewer missed his lunch. 'It's not really that serious, the wrong way round, blowing smoke, eating all the sarnies bit,' complained one Serious Crimes officer, ' apart from the smoking in a police station bit, obvs, which is a problem because we're only trained for serious crimes. Now they're starting to swing the light bulb and calling us slags,' he added, welling up in tears.
A spokesman for the bad cops threatened to 'shove a truncheon up' our arse if we said anything negative about these predominantly fine, upstanding and essentially misunderstood dedicated policemen, even the rapists, conmen and potential Conservative MPs.