Nation’s haunted ask ghosts to stop being dicks about it
- simonjjames
- Nov 3
- 1 min read
Residents of the nation’s most haunted homes have come together to demand their ghosts stop being such dicks.
“We’ve had enough”, said Gary De La Lane of Richmond in Yorkshire, “It’s got to stop. We get it - they’re restless souls who are trying to find a way through to their final destination. But for fuck’s sake, stop switching the kettle on!” Mr De La Lane and his wife, Rosie, own a haunted Coaching Inn. “I get that the poor guy must have died a horrible death and is in a terrible place but is that any reason to keep switching on the landing light or turning the shower on when we’re out? It’s just a pain in the arse”.
Other haunted home owners complained of their ghosts knocking glasses and cups to the floor, throwing books across the room, rattling windows, switching lights on and off and generally being dicks.
“What’s the point?”, said Anne Bowler of Cumbria, “OK, you died a horrible death and you’re annoyed but do something constructive and help out around the place. Stop opening the freezer and flooding the kitchen! That just makes us think you’re a twat who was probably murdered for one practical joke too many”.
Ms Bowler went on, “one more cooked lasagne on the floor after I left it to cool and I’m ringing the fucking ghostbusters!”
