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New reality shows include ‘Wheel of Misfortune’ and ‘Meal or No Meal’.

Continuing their long running franchise of ‘grim reality’, the Government is helping tens of thousands of people to live their dream, of appearing on TV with a MP’s hand up their skirt. Contestants can pay for rent through a series of awkward sexual encounters, accompanied by the jovial banter of Ant & Dec. Saturday night schedules are set to be dominated by ‘Brothels got Talent’, ‘I’m a Sex Slave – Get me out of here!’ and ‘Strictly Cum Dancing’.

Explained one producer: ‘We’re really excited by ‘Food-Bank Cage-Fight’. The winners get to join a waiting list, for a waiting list, for a waiting list, for Universal Credit.’

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