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NHS bed shortage solved as Thérèse Coffey turns up outside IKEA in a Transit

IKEA workers at the company's Dagenham branch who turned up this morning for their 73-hour shift, were surprised to find a beached whale blocking the entrance. On closer inspection it turned out to be the UK’s ninth health secretary in three weeks.

Climbing out of a battered white van Coffey attempted to explain, while waddling to the entrance, that it was all part of her proactively proactive plan for the NHS.

An interpreter for the blind drunk translated, ‘As she told the House yesterday, this is the B part of her plan, as in B for Bed. This of course supersedes her predecessors Plan A, Thérèse's predecessor's Plan E and his predecessor's plan C minus. She's proactively filling the van full of beds and taking them where they are needed.’

Asked if she was going for a bunk bed, divan or Ottoman, the interpreter replied that she didn’t mind as long as they were single, adding, 'She is a practising Catholic after all.’

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