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No way to predict passenger numbers say airlines who sold tickets

A spokesman for the airline industry lit a cigar with a £50 note before stubbing it out in the eye of a small child whose summer holiday will now comprise a taxi ride to and from Manchester Airport.

'We cancel families summer holidays at the last moment, then hide and watch as the police inexplicably do our job for us. We knew our staff and plane numbers, so we could have declined the booking – but we didn’t.’

'We've got a few empty planes going to Kigali, or Dover South as the budget airlines are calling it. It's peachy there this time of year unless you criticise their government. If you do, let's just say that airport security are going to 'randomly' search your orifices with something blunt and rusty. Very thoroughly. To death.’

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