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North Korea to take UK’s EU spot

Pyongyang offers the perfect solution being a totalitarian state willing to take Eurovision seriously and happy to use the French phrase ‘American Imperialist Pig dog’. Meanwhile Kim Jong Un has promised his nation will provide all of the qualities of the British - bad dental work, weak tea and an embarrassing colonial past. A Korean official commented: ‘Unlike the Brits we won’t complain about EU bureaucrats…or complain about anything really – or so says Glorious Supreme Leader Jean-Claude Juncker, may he forever shine upon us’.

To celebrate the inauguration, 20,000 Korean children will hold up large coloured cards depicting the EU flag and words ‘Farage is a South Korean ball-muncher’. One EU Leader remarked: ‘North Korea offers us so much more. 28 state approved haircuts – twice as many as the Brits. 3 state approved TV channels – and none featuring James Corden. And one ruler – as opposed to the hydra-headed-cluster-f@ck that is the Tory leadership race’.

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