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Office weather banter due to reach peak banality this afternoon

Updated: Jun 22, 2022

Forecasters are warning that annoying weather-talk will reach a new high this afternoon at around 3pm. Office bores and bosses without imagination are due to mention the heat and refer to their iPhone temperature apps as often as every 10 minutes in some UK cities.

Met Office spokesperson Gillian McMillan said: “Office workers need to brace themselves for banter that includes phrases like ‘It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity’, ‘It’s hotter than Ibiza’ and ‘Maybe we should invest in air conditioning one day’. All of which will sap the already limp office atmosphere.”

To take shelter from poor quality chat, people are advised to wear headphones, steer clear of elevators where possible and to avoid calling the IT Helpdesk.

Gary Harris from the Unite union says workers should also be aware that bosses often use poor quality weather talk as an excuse to manipulate workers. “On days like today, many workers are bought things like free ice creams in order to distract them from the fact their boss is a dick. We’d like to remind workers that although you may now have a free ice cream, your boss is still a dick.

“You will be able to tell how much a dick your boss is by the number of times he says phrases like ‘there is no maximum temperature before we have to send you home’ and ‘the heat really IS on now, eh team?’.

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