Dazzlingly awful children's Christmas plays are being rehearsed just as parents rehearse their lies about how good the play was and how good their child was in it.
Teacher Jodie Johnstone said 'This year our theme is suffering. Specifically making parents aware of just how insufferable their little "angels" are.'
Parent Shelley Stevenson whispered conspiratorially 'God bless Bluetooth headphones, I'll be listening to a podcast whilst they shriek "Little Donkey" in 3 or 4 different keys. I'm also smuggling in booze. Did you think it was coffee in this travel mug?'
Stevenson violently nudged her snoring partner awake before adding 'This is the first time for years that we've had to sit through this drivel - bring back Covid, I say.'