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  • Writer's pictureSully

Party responsible for catastrophic failures ‘bafflingly’ loses by-elections

‘I just don’t understand it’, a Conservative insider repeats, over and over, shaking his head. ‘I just don’t understand it’.

Somehow, the party of Brexit, PPE procurement, Partygate, rivers of poo, Rwanda and Boris Johnson’s hair has finally got something wrong. Or rather they haven’t, according to Greg ‘Handsy’ Hands, the Party Chairman: ‘. . . people were happy with the job that Rishi Sunak is doing as Prime Minister . . . we fought good campaigns, we had excellent candidates . . ‘

When asked to call an immediate general election – via a petition signed by a quarter of a million people – the Government was clear: ‘Britain faces long-term challenges that need us to put the national interest first. Rishi Sunak and this Government are doing just that and it would be wrong to call an early general election now’

It’s a conundrum worthy of an Agatha Christie. The Conservatives are doing great, their campaigns are excellent, their candidates radiant and yet, and yet – those bloody voters keep messing it up.

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