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Petrol Stations braced for Christmas Eve bonanza

The UK’s petrol stations are preparing for the Christmas Eve rush of men who have forgotten to buy Christmas presents for their significant others.

Petrol station manager Jodie Johnstone said 'The men arrive after the actual shops shut on Christmas Eve – metaphorical rabbits in literal headlights.' Johnstone shook her head. 'What woman doesn’t want a screwdriver set, a tin of biscuits and five sad looking carnations for Christmas?'

Warren Wright refused to make eye contact, mumbling 'If, in November or early December, I’d spent as much time buying presents online as I did complaining about Christmas getting earlier every year, then I wouldn’t be in this mess.'

'What do you think my mum would prefer: 240 cigarettes, an Ordnance Survey map or a 2 litre can of anti-freeze?'

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