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Playa del Inglés made more authentic by importing 8,000 tons of raw sewage

The Canary Islands beach resort of Playa del Inglés has undergone a magnificent makeover which elevates its appeal and realism to English tourists.

Mayor of Gran Canaria, Roberto Sousa explained, 'This popular hot spot was missing something we couldn't quite put our finger on. The regional council commissioned in depth research into how we could improve the beach and resort facilities, and it was concluded that what was missing was a massive amount of stinking raw shit.

'Teams of experts were sent to coastal regions of southern England, and it was clear where we had been going wrong. We needed to make the waters distinctly more unclear.

'It has cost two million Euros to complete the upgrade, but we have achieved something special you will find nowhere else in the world, outside the British Isles. Our top architects designed a huge, spectacular, rusty outflow pipe, and our best engineers laid it right down the middle of the beach. They went to great lengths to construct a robust system which can expel huge quantities of premium untreated sewage at an impressive rate.

'Now when English tourists flock to our resort, they feel right at home. You can see them showing their appreciation in the traditional way, by clutching their stomachs and vomiting uncontrollably. 

'But the crowning glory is that our accomplishment has been recognised by the international tourism industry. I am very pleased to announce that Playa del Inglés has been awarded the prestigious Brown Flag status.'

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Rusted, holed and leaking outflow pipe.

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