Following a long line of illustrious war criminals asked to host the show, the dead dictator said he was delighted to rejuvenate his image while chatting about fluff. His agent said: 'Anecdotes about mass graves are just some of the top bantz Pol can bring to the job. Alistair Campbell really opened the door on that one, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.'
It is not the first time that Susanna Reid has been forced to share a studio with a colossal bell end, but at least this one is not married to Yvette Cooper. Richard Madeley is said to be disappointed to have been overlooked for the role, but he does not have Pol's likeability.
An ITV executive said: 'We've been accused of whitewashing the reputations of crooks and killers but that was Britain's Got Talent'