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Putin is probably miffed, suggests Ukraine defence ministry

'We're guessing here, because Vlad doesn't respond to messages on our WhatsApp group anymore, that he's a bit miffed over the explosion on his bridge.' said a spokesman for the Ukraine defence ministry.

'Yup, it looks like he's taking the whole thing personally,' said another spokesman. 'Wait until he finds out we've left an unflushed turd in his toilet and apple-turnovered his bedding. We also swapped his salt and sugar around, put itching powder in all his underpants and ordered a penis enlarger to be delivered to the Kremlin in his name - he's going to be really grumpy tomorrow.'

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