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Queen "back on market" after Philip's memorial service

Her Majesty the Queen has announced that after the memorial service for Prince Philip, she's going to being "putting her self out there".

"One still has it and there is plenty of fresh tail out there to catch the royal eye."

Her Majesty has admitted to a "disappointing" experience with "One didn't find anyone with a similar range of interests, which really surprised one; who doesn't like shooting wildlife, choosing which palace to live in and George Formby?"

With lifting of COVID restrictions, the Queen has been planning discreet visits to the Ministry of Sound and XOYO. "One doesn't want to the centre of attention and attract the wrong types, so I've asked the palace guards to leave their horses at home when they accompany me.

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