After some big defeats threatened to turn by elections into bye bye elections, PM Rishi Sunak was overheard listening to Monty Python's Black Knight and laughing a bit too hysterically when the Knight says 'tis but a scratch' and 'it's only a flesh wound' as his limbs are lopped off.
Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst interrupted putting stripes of camouflage paint on his face to whisper: 'Brave Rishi Sunak is tooling up for the Culture Wars. His rousing speeches sound like Henry V. Or they would if Shakespeare had written it to sound like a patronising nursery school teacher.'
'Rishi is going to be an action man - a Ken doll if you like - and nuke the culture wars like Oppenheimer. His aim is to make a country like the Daily Mail comments section - boiling with impotent rage at a world that doesn't resemble a version of a bucolic past that never existed.'
'We do our announcements in the Daily Mail now - it's the paper of record.'
'Let's just say if you're a transgender asylum seeker, things might get a little spicy. And if you live in Uxbridge and South Ruislip, it's time to stop breathing quite so deeply. Tory air is dirty air. But like man of the people Rishi says, if you need to get away, you can always get the spare jet to your place in the Caymans. Coincidentally that also works with getting away from taxes. Win win.'