Robert Jenrick pioneers new ventriloquist act with “Judgie”

Robert Jenrick, once considered a possible contender for leadership of the Conservative Party, has instead struck out in the direction of vaudeville.

Holding up a puppet he called “Judgie”, which in fact consisted of nothing but a judge’s wig, he debuted his new act in front of Tory Party workers in a bizarre and surreal meeting in Pease Pottage.

'Hello, Judgie,' said Jenrick. “What have you been up to lately?'

'Well, I’ve been restricting people’s legal right to free assembly and protest,' replied the puppet, prompting Jenrick to look at the audience in mock surprise. 

'You can’t do that, Judgie,' he continued. 'People have a right to express their opinions, even if you disagree with them.'

The puppet then turned to Jenrick, saying, 'What are you, some kind of pinko Guardian reader? We know what to do with people like you!” Jenrick was then dragged offstage by uniformed thugs while the puppet shouted “Put him on a flight to Rwanda,' to roars of laughter from the audience.

Jenrick's act was followed by a speech by the current Tory Party Chair, a red-velvet upholstered wing back which spoke of the need to restrict immigration and the way foreigners sometimes don’t integrate properly into British society.

Watching the speech live at Reform Party HQ (aka Wetherspoons in Thurrock), Richard Tice remarked to Nigel Farage, 'You said that without moving your lips.'