Following the announcement that the next Newsbiscuit publication will be Seagulls on Smack, a furious row has erupted regarding the potentially controversial, not to mention explosive content.
At a mass demonstration on the Isle of Wight (IOW), furious residents demanded that the book be withdrawn, pulped, burnt, shot and hanged.
A leading IOW rabble-rouser (Robowurzel) was quoted as saying “This book will be a monstrous slur on the Island’s favourite national bird. And also the title has confused most of our (mainly elderly) residents.
Seagulls on Smack – what the hell does that mean? Seagulls landing on a small ship? Seagulls discussing corporal punishment?? Or is this a misprint of Seagulls on Snack? In which case it is bloody obvious – chips.”
A spokesperson for the Newsbiscuit publishing giant – Nice (sic) Admin Lady – wearily explained.
“The book hasn’t even been printed yet. And it will be a limited edition sent to discerning adults wrapped in plain brown paper (the book that is). So to suggest any content at the present moment is a witch hunt and kangaroo court. And it is not as if we are going to translate it into Dutch – although hang on a minute....”