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Russian sanctions against the West will be the harshest since the great Lada shortage of 1981

Following a deeply troubling exchange during which Liz Truss said that her daddy was bigger than Vladimir Putin's daddy, the head of Russian bear wrangling has threatened to impose severe sanctions against the West. This is in retaliation for an escalation of tongues being stuck out from behind the skirt of NATO.

'Firstly, and most importantly, there will be an immediate repatriation of Liz Truss's culturally misappropriated hat.'

'There will then follow a strict ban on all dolls being put inside other dolls.'

'No other nation will be allowed to use the colours red, white or blue in their flags.'

'And finally, there will be no more beluga caviar pies served in the executive boxes at Chelski matches.'

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