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Schoolchildren resolve to call all fat kids Freddy from now on

Updated: Jun 21, 2022

Following the news that Fatty from the Bash Street Kids is to be renamed Freddy, pupils have universally agreed that Freddy is now the nickname for all of their overweight classmates. Other insulting names for afflicted children are also being updated. For example, tall skinny kids will be called Larry instead of Lanky, kids with big ears will be called Davey instead of Dumbo, and smelly kids will be called Stevie instead of Stinko.

Educational Psychologist Elizabeth Clementine, who has a wealth of experience in counselling and diagnostic assessment with regard to name-calling in educational communities, explained that profound psychological damage can result from being given an insulting nickname in school. ‘But kids will always be truly horrible to each other and changing Speccy to Becky is unlikely to improve that,’ she added.

When asked whether children could learn not to be nasty to each other by adopting less insulting nicknames, Ryan from Year 7 said that he remains determined to be mean because it’s traditional. ‘I will still pick on thick kids even if I can't call them Lightning and have to call them Matt Hancock instead,’ he said.

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