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Scientists determine half-life of cabinet posts

A breakthrough study into Cabinet positions has revealed that the half-life of posts such as Chancellor, Home Secretary and Prime Minister are shortening at an increasing rate. According to calculations by scientists, Jeremy Hunt is likely to be replaced in under 30 days from his appointment by Liz Truss, Rishi Sunak is unlikely to last more than five weeks and Suella Braveman is looking likely to break the previous record as the shortest serving Home Secretary, currently held by Suella Braverman, by a significant margin.

'It's a pleasure to serve the British people as a record-breaking political party,' said a Conservative spokesman. Actually, the second half was said by a replacement spokesman as the first was sacked mid-sentence.

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