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Shapps to photoshop himself into next Labour government

Grant Shapps has a masterplan if Labour win the next election. And it might be needed, unless Keir Starmer finds a way to shoot himself in the foot and then the face, and then set his tie on fire, live at PMQs - a worryingly plausible scenario.

Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst explained 'Phase one sees Shapps use his photoshop skills to remove his pictorial links to other Tory politicians. Phase two sees him insert himself into Labour photos. Phase three is to photoshop himself into the Starmer cabinet so often, people just assume he's minister for shoelaces or something.'

'It's the political equivalent of John Terry being a full kit wanker in the 2012 Champions League final - whilst wearing a Bayern Munich kit on underneath just in case. It's hard to see what could very obviously go wrong.'

A Labour spokesperson noted ‘If Michael Green, Corinne Stockheath and Sebastian Fox all want jobs in the next Labour government, that’s fine. We’re not afraid of pinching Tory policies like pro-Brexit rhetoric and NHS privatisation, so we might as well snaffle a cabinet minister or two. Keir says it's fine as long as they’re not pro-Corbyn.’

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