After assembling a cabinet of acolytes, the Prime Minister has listed the concerns of the population with an objective of ignoring them in rank order. 'Obviously energy bills are on the list,' said a spokesperson, 'as is the cost of living. Inflation might get a mention - not sure if anyone has noticed yet - and breaking the law by ignoring the Northern Ireland Protocol isn't on the horizon.
'But we're definitely going to do something about smirking now that Priti Patel has resigned - that's the Prime Minister's highest priority. We've just got to decide whether to reduce or increase it. After that, job done for the year.'