Southgate selects 26 goalkeepers

England football manager, Gareth Southgate, attracted criticism yesterday, as he announced the final England squad for the delayed 2020 Euros, which now contains 26 goalkeepers.


'I simply selected the best 26 footballers in the land", the England manager declared, as he defended his selection policy. "If I could have picked 27, I would have done'.


The squad's makeup heavily favours Southgate's preferred 0-0-0 formation, and kit sponsors, Nike, have provided replica goalkeeper jerseys, shorts and Peter Shilton 'Stopmaster' gloves.


Football pundits are pointing to low scoring England fixtures, whilst UEFA is currently investigating Southgate's controversial 'White helmets' formation for penalty shoot-outs.


The biggest problem facing Southgate was finding enough English goalkeepers to fill the 26 places. Luckily he was able to scout the lower leagues, handing the 26th place to Colin Collinson (55), part-time shot stopper of Hampshire's Barton Stacey Academicals. Collinson narrowly edged out local rival Magnus 'Nutmeg' Nutmegson of rivals. Spartak Red Star Andover 1860, who qualified for England selection after renouncing his Icelandic passport.


'These are nice problems to have", Southgate told a hungover sporting press. "Obviously, there will be a lot of competition for the number 1 shirt, especially with 25 other goalkeepers, but I think Collinson stands a great chance of being the first name on the sheet, especially as the number one shirt is the only XXL garment in the kit bag.'

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