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Sunak: I removed seatbelt to distance myself from Savile

The Prime Minister has apologised for being filmed in a car whilst not wearing a seatbelt, but says the reason was to show the party has moved on from its previous close association with Jimmy Savile.

Younger readers may be unaware of Savile's notorious Clunk-Click TV campaign, which ensured the children he accosted would be unable to escape his clutches in a hurry.

Older readers will be aware of Savile rarely being outside the company of Margaret Thatcher, so we asked Sunak whether the party wishes also to distance itself from her, but were unable to get a convincing answer over the sound of Thatcher's body spinning in its grave, tunnelling directly into hell.

A No.10 adviser did tell us that they are continually getting mail addressed to Savile from Friends Reunited, which they return, after writing "Now then, now then, not known at this address" on the envelope. 'Perhaps they think we're lying.' he muttered.

The advisor also formally denied rumours that the PM is a patronising AI chatbot gone rogue, adding 'Is there anything else I can help you with today? Oh, the cost of living crisis? Rishi'll fix it.'

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