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  • Writer's pictureSully

Sunak’s new policy: Levelling Down

After discovering that it might take more than a refurbished leisure centre and some new library books to bring the North up to the same levels of affluence as the South, Rishi Sunak has decided to give up on the project and impoverish the South instead.

‘We thought “the North” was just Birmingham’, explained a Conservative Party spokesman. ‘Turns out it’s fucking massive. It would cost hundreds of billions to do a decent job and that money is already earmarked for, well, us. So the new plan is to improve equality by Levelling Down’.

Sunderland has been chosen as the benchmark city. Every town which is poorer than Sunderland will be literally levelled and every town or city with average wealth levels higher than Sunderland will be gradually impoverished through the usual Government policies until the whole country achieves uniformity.

‘Except the Home Counties, obviously’ said the spokesman. ‘And parts of London. The good bits.’

image from pixabay

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