top of page

‘This shit just got real’ explains George Osborne

News that Mr. Osborne had barricaded his office, immediately had a negative impact on the FTSE 100, as did the sight of him drinking from a human skull. The Chancellor has made a stark warning to all the mofos, bitches and investment analysts, that the proverbial is going to hit-the-fan in the event of a Brexit. Wearing soiled underwear and in front of a packed news conference, Mr Osborne reached a crescendo of hyperbole, which culminated in him waving a shotgun while shouting ‘you’ll never take me alive!’

A spokesman said: ‘There’s nothing to fear accept fear itself…or mutant spiders. Yup, that’s pretty scary. Or Ebola in your soup. Jeez! Or…or … or a race of A.I. super-beings taking over the world. Damn, now that I think about it – we’re f$cked. We’re all going to die. Just, just start stockpiling canned goods and hope the zombies don’t find you’.

If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

32 views0 comments


bottom of page