News that Mr. Osborne had barricaded his office, immediately had a negative impact on the FTSE 100, as did the sight of him drinking from a human skull. The Chancellor has made a stark warning to all the mofos, bitches and investment analysts, that the proverbial is going to hit-the-fan in the event of a Brexit. Wearing soiled underwear and in front of a packed news conference, Mr Osborne reached a crescendo of hyperbole, which culminated in him waving a shotgun while shouting ‘you’ll never take me alive!’
A spokesman said: ‘There’s nothing to fear accept fear itself…or mutant spiders. Yup, that’s pretty scary. Or Ebola in your soup. Jeez! Or…or … or a race of A.I. super-beings taking over the world. Damn, now that I think about it – we’re f$cked. We’re all going to die. Just, just start stockpiling canned goods and hope the zombies don’t find you’.
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