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Tory member hugely disappointed with 'blue on blue action' in leadership contest

A Conservative party member is said to be feeling hugely let-down after being promised hot 'blue on blue action' by the media this week, in the Tory leadership contest.

Humphrey Page-Turner, 66, had drawn his curtains and turned his phone to do not disturb to enjoy the televised debate between the remaining candidates alone in the privacy of his Berkshire home, but was left perplexed by the mild content that resulted.

'There was literally nothing to merit the 18+ rating I had been anticipating from the build up, which with the benefit of hindsight was clearly over-hyped', said a frustrated Page Turner. 'Chris Mason's reports on the BBC were promising some kind of heady mix of an orgy and a naked mud-fight between the candidates, rather than the flaccid discussion that I saw on national insurance contributions.'

'There weren't even any staged scenarios where Tom Tugendhat comes in dressed as a plumber to piped music and asks if any of the other candidates needed a good cleaning of their pipes', continued Page Turner. 'Although they did keep showing that Eat out to Help Out footage of Rishi Sunak serving 2 katsu curries in a Wagamama restaurant'.

Political commentators have promised more blue on blue action on our TV screens this weekend as the 2 remaining candidates Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak go head to head. Details remain scant, but one scenario is thought to involve Rishi Sunak dressed up as a postman, breathlessly exclaiming to Truss and the Tory faithful that he is the only one who can deliver a balanced budget year after year.

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