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UK braced for increased levels of sweating

The UK is experiencing another heatwave, which will unfortunately cause increased levels of sweating. Here are some of the embarrassing sweat stains you will have to deal with in the next few days:

Armpit Circles - Despite applying half a can of deodorant, within 5 minutes of putting on a clean shirt dark circles will start to appear under your arms. Avoid embarrassment by keeping your arms rigidly by your sides all day, in the style of Michael Flatley when he’s about to launch into a bout of Riverdancing.

Boob Crescents – Whether you have breasts or man boobs, soaring temperatures will cause crescent shaped sweat stains to appear under them. You could fold your arms under your chest to hide the Boob Crescents, although that might risk exposing your Armpit Circles.

Arse Pool – Sweat running down your back will be channeled into the crevice between your bum cheeks, creating a pool of sweat in your pants. Avoid sitting down, otherwise when you get up you’ll leave a tell-tale sweaty arse print on the seat.

Groin V – Sweat will gather in the creases at the tops of your legs, soaking through your trousers to form a dark V-shape around your groin area. Carry a large bag and hold it in front of your groin to hide this embarrassing sweat stain, otherwise people will think you’ve p*ssed yourself again.

Try not to worry about looking sweaty in the hot weather, as everyone else will perspiring just as much as you. Apart from Prince Andrew, of course…


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