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UK resumes animal testing having run out of voters to torture

After a 25 year ban, Britain has decided that nothing says animal rights like a vaping rabbit, wearing mascara. Products will no longer be advertised as cruelty-free, but will come with free-cruelty.

A spokesperson explained: 'I wouldn't say it's ethical to have a pitbull wearing lipstick, but it is sexy.'

Previously the only dumb animals forced to wear ridiculous make-up were models. Said one cat: 'I'm 12 and I've already had breast implants and lip filler. I can only assume I'm going to meet Prince Andrew.'

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