UK to unleash its top drone in Iran conflict

"In times of war, this is the most effective weapon at Britain's disposal," said a Ministry of Defence spokes-ammunition dump.

'It can throw cold water on any conflict and overwhelm every aggressor out there with feelings of stultifying weariness and lethargy.

'Developed out of the dessicated remnants of a crashingly boring lawyer, we have codenamed our drone the Keir Starmer.

'It can drone for hours on end in the Commons without getting tired of itself, invoking this or that tedious rule for precisely when and why UK overseas military bases can or cannot be used by the US.

'We will now deploy the Keir on the world stage, to drone on at fellow politicians in the Middle East and in the UN Security Council.

'If all goes well, the Keir drone will have the same effect on Trump, Netanyahu and the Iranian leadership as it has had on the UK public over the past two years - filling them with an irresistible urge to yawn loudly, stop doing whatever they were doing and just sit on their sofas staring blankly at the wall.

'And we give these world leaders fair warning: in full drone mode, Sir Keir can be almost lethally dull.'

Meanwhile, human rights groups in the UK protested that for the past two years, the British government has been using the Keir drone on its own people.