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UK's spirit animal is a dead badger

In answer to an online quiz about who is guiding the UK, top answers included a dodo, a Glen Miller's pilot and the coastal defence team for Atlantis. Results revealed, that the spirit animal that most embodied the government, was probably decomposing in a layby near Ludlow.

A government spokeswoman explained: 'Like the badger, your average voter sees everything as black or white, but will probably be hit by an HGV while fretting about Brexit. The badger is riddled with unknown infections, as is the UK - and both need to be culled'.

There are some key differences between Boris Johnson and a dead badger. One is a festering pile of matted hair, with multiple litters and an ungodly reek - while the other is a spirit animal

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