In a triumph in deregulation and zero-hour contracts, Sports Direct announced the development of their first cotton plantation. While J D Wetherspoon already plans to open a chain of Pyramid-themed pubs. One slave commented: 'The confusion over who was Spartacus may be simply down the fact he was working multiple part-time jobs'.
The Conservative Minister for safeguarding and 'issues effecting people with accents' said: 'We are shining a light on modern slavery - then turning it into a reliable business model. And we're hoping to replace zero-hours with non-zero-sum contracts, which ensure everyone loses out. Remember, 60% of contractees are happy, while the remaining 40% are scheduled to do battle with the lions in the Colosseum'.
If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?