The UN’s maritime law tribunal has ruled that Mauritius has no sovereignty over the Channel Islands and criticised Mauritius for its failure to hand the territory back to the UK. This confirms an International Court of Justice ruling and UN General Assembly vote.
The Channel Islands include a variety of tax havens, although not a US military base. Mauritius has said it will return the islands when they're no longer needed for financial skulduggery and tax avoidance. In a weirdly petty development, Channel Island postal stamps are to be banned, although British courts will still use rubber stamps to approve the wishes of the bankers who own them.
A small and isolated island nation, largely dependent on tourist income, the UK is led by electrocuted scarecrow Boris Johnson. Britain is also famous for its beaches which are covered in exotic shell companies.
Captains Ahab, Birdseye, Blackbeard and Pugwash issued a rare joint statement, dismissive of the UN ruling, saying 'Shiver me timbers, if a cutlass, an aircraft carrier and a centre for offshore finance can be beaten by the rule of law, where can a pirate go? Apart from the British Virgin Islands that is. Nowhere near Britain and nowhere near virgins. Arrr.'
[big hat tip to Sir Lupus]