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Use of the phrase ‘picky bits for tea’ to become criminal offence




The use of the phrase ‘picky bits for tea’ to describe a diverse selection of food items served up as small dishes in place of a full meal will become a criminal offence from today, authorities have announced.


The new law will ban the use of the phrase on any form of social media and will also cover it being casually dropped into conversations about what you might have for lunch or a fairly spontaneous evening meal.


‘Things have got out of hand', noted Mike McBride, head of the Annoying Phrase Prevention Unit at New Scotland Yard. .


'Our officers have had hundreds of call outs over the Bank Holiday weekend to deal with the gratuitous use of this cringeworthy phrase, usually alongside Instagram pictures of some small plates of dishes of pitta bread, olives and mini pork pies served on a garden table under a colourful parasol’, continued McBride.


‘Why can’t people just say they are serving up some tapas or snacks, or even a picnic buffet?’.


‘Instead they use a phrase that evokes images of someone taking a manky scab off their knee or pulling their pants out of their sweaty bum crack’.


‘Thank god this legislation is now in place’ said McBride.


‘Now if you don’t mind I’m off to celebrate - my wife’s put together some lovely bits of fridge shrapnel for our tea'.


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