Theresa May was delighted to announce to The Commons, that she had secured the obliteration of 'all life as we know it' at the bargain price of £31bn. She insisted that renewing the Trident missile defence system was the cheapest way to destroy humanity - other than appointing Boris Johnson to the Foreign Office.
Impishly she suggested that with Brexit just around the corner, thermo-nuclear war might be the least of our worries. Those suffering from austerity would be doubly appreciative of this irradiated solution. Boasted a MOD spokeswoman: 'It was an absolute bargain! The nice US salesman assured me it was a once in a lifetime deal. He said - everything must go - literally!'
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