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  • Writer's pictureTitus

Zoo closes after Animals Can No Longer Afford To Rent Cages In Bristol City Centre

'It's OK for smaller creatures like meercats - for them it's simples' said Ollie the elephant 'But suitable accommodation for me and my wife Ellie costs a fortune and is a much bigger problem'. 'It's even worse for us' said Ginny giraffe 'We're having a real struggle to find anywhere suitable at all - it's been a real pain in the neck.'

The monkeys, too, are having problems, especially the chimpanzees. 'There's a load of us' said Charlie Chimp 'and we need enough space to sit down at our typewriters, as well as somewhere providing enough peace and quiet to be able to finish writing all these playt - oh, fuck it, I mean plays. Bollocks, now I've got to start from the beginning all over again. Please excuse me.'

The only tenants who seemed less worried were the hyenas, who hoped they might be adopted as domestic pets and therefore not need to rent cages, so would be laughing all the way to the bank.

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