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Bollocks, says everyone, as Mayan apocalypse fails to happen

Same time next year, eh lads.There has been widespread disappointment among the planet’s male population as Britain woke up today to find that the Doomsday forecast by the Ancient Mayans’ ‘long count’ failed to happen.

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Waiting times to assault NHS staff ‘have tripled’, finds study

free-for-all at the point of needThe latest report on the performance of the NHS has found a familiar but depressing picture of Accident and Emergency rooms full of people who have waited up to three hours to launch an unprovoked physical attack on a medical orderly or nurse.

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RSPB to focus efforts on saving Angry Birds

stepping up a levelAfter a series of charity scandals, cash-strapped conservation group the RSPB has announced that it will refocus its conservation efforts on saving the Angry Birds, rather than their real cousins.

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Scientists claim 2013 may have shortest February on record

predictions made after consulting horoscopesResearchers at the Institute for Applied Theoretics, in Basel, France, claim that climate change is increasing the risk of shorter Februaries, and predict that in 2013 the month will be exceptionally short.

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Banker learns everything would be better if he’d never been born

'Bedford Falls. Wallet Gains'Former Investment Banker, Henry F. Potter, was shocked to discover that life for everyone would be much, much better if he had simply never been born.

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