Hot summer could wipe out Goth population, experts warn
‘They are poorly equipped to deal with high temperatures as they can’t take off their black jeans and duffel coats.’
Self-destruct buttons are ‘a needless risk’
A health and safety watchdog has condemned self-destruct buttons as ‘dangerous and completely pointless’ in a review for the government published this week.
Cameron to give Satan ‘second chance’ as No.10 press secretary
Prime Minister David Cameron has today denied accusations of poor judgement after confirming that he has appointed Satan, former overseer of hell, as his new director of communications in Downing Street.
Turkey still bitter that Trojan Horse ‘wasn’t a proper gift’
Turkish Prime Minister, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, allowed historic bitterness to get the better of him today during a speech at an interim meeting with the European Commission over Turkey’s accession into the EU.
Britain’s statues to be coloured in
Minister for work and pensions Yvette Cooper and the Rt Hon Ben Bradshaw, Secretary of State for Culture, Media & Sport, have announced a joint job-creation scheme in which thousands of British job seekers will be tasked with colouring in the nation’s statues.
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