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Hot air balloon rides across the USA: free missile with every flight

Take off and glide through the American countryside in a majestic hot air balloon as the sun rises over rolling hills, military installations and landscapes of outstanding natural beauty.



Enjoy the perfect 360-degree view from 2000 feet in the air from dawn – the perfect time to soak up spectacular landscapes for as far as the eye can see.


Made all the better with a glass of bubbly after landing (if you survive) and a chance to take out a fighter jet with a FREE air-to-air missile.


This trip combines the relaxation of balloon travel with the thrills promised in the American Constitution. Book now for a 10% discount on funeral fees.




First published 14 Feb 2023


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NATO denies fighter jets 'too high-performance to be useful in Ukraine'


A NATO spokesman today denied that NATO's top-gun fighter, the F35, was 'too high performance' to be of any practical use in the 'dirty battlefield' of Ukraine.



He admitted that the state-of-the-art jets require 'cleaned' runways, airspace free of drones and hand-held missiles, and good wifi access in all areas of operation.


He went on to say this would not prevent them dominating the airspace in Ukraine, given a sympathetic social media atmosphere.



"President Zalensky has read the marketing brochures" he explained. "Whilst that might lead him to think the jets would be the solution to many of his problems, it does tend to skim over all the limitations of these planes."


"I'm not saying the ads are bullshit, but they might be painting a rosy picture"


McDonnell-Douglas, manufacturer of the eye-wateringly expensive F-35, was unavailable for comment. But they did promise to launch an airstrike on our HQ, as soon as the political atmosphere improves and they can find a pilot who can fly the blasted things.






First published 13 Feb 2023


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MPs' hypocrisy achieves levels even jets can't reach



In an astonishing display of two-faced political shithousery earlier today, British Parliamentarians gave several standing ovations to a man representing everything they abhor and avoid.


The subject of the applause was President Zelenskiy of Ukraine. He is renowned for his leadership, honesty, self-effacement, steadfast strength of purpose and promotion of the common good among his citizens.


Spectators were utterly bemused why MPs were praising these characteristics. Standard candidate selection procedures usually eliminate anyone showing such fanciful nonsense. Advancement within party hierarchies then requires their replacement by equal quantities of greed, personal wealth, indecision, and a final removal of all morals and conscience.


Why were all these carefully crafted anti-human designs so much in favour of Zelenskiy? Speculation includes that they may hold franchises for dark-green war fatigues. As one MP was heard to mutter while speaking later on the phone to his broker, "Zelenskiy? The vest a man can get."






image from pixabay



First published 12 Feb 2023


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