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UN calls for colour-coded munitions to help allocate blame

Modern warfare is posing an increasing difficulty for journalists trying to identify who shot who, so the UN has called for all future munitions to be colour coded. After they explode it can then be quickly and easily determined who was responsible.

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Prince George rules Lego world with an iron fist

The Queen and senior members of the Royal Family have spoken of their ‘delight’ today after an official video showed one-year-old Prince George ruling his Lego kingdom with an authoritarian zeal unseen since the early Stuart period.

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Claims Direct appointed to solve Gaza crisis

‘This could be the peace breakthrough everyone has been waiting for,’ said one UN observer. With an arm injury netting up to £191,500 for the injured party, the hope is that just the presence of the Claims Direct injury experts in the area will have a highly sobering effect on anyone prepared to lob missiles, grenades or rude and hurtful insults over the fence at their neighbours.

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Beach loses Blue Flag status following ‘blue flag eyesore’

Beach staff were told to lower the flag and hide it somewhere as the sight of it was an ‘eyesore at odds with the natural beauty’ of the bay. Council staff were said to be disappointed at the ruling, but hoped the move would lead to the beach being designated an EU ‘Flag Free Zone’, and be eligible to display the official pennants.

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Passport photos required to show ‘sex face’

The pissed-off face has been in use for over 20 years and hasn’t kept pace with technological advances.’

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