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Lord Sewel criticised for coke-snorting technique

Several members of the House of Lords have openly criticised Lord Sewel after a shocking video revealed his ‘unacceptably poor’ technique for snorting cocaine from a prostitute’s breasts.

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Tour de France ends in cheese for bloke who got a bike for Christmas

Now that the seemingly endless Tour de France has reached its familiar climax in Paris, Great British rider Dave ‘Cheddar’ Chapman from Dorking has at last spoken about the unfortunate technical difficulties which denied him victory in the world’s toughest cycle race.

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Public welcomes return of ‘good old-fashioned scandal’

The scandal surrounding Lord Sewel is, according to the British public, a heartwarming return to the traditional values of scandals that rocked the establishment in the past.

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Migrants complain Eurostar delays ‘unacceptable’

Migrants have been making a series of complaints today at delays experienced at the Eurostar tunnel.

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Academies ‘just a posh word for schools’, expert admits

An expert formerly employed by the Department of Education, now thought to have gone rogue, admitted today that the government’s much-vaunted ‘academies’ programme consists solely of calling schools by another word that means the same thing.

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