NewsBiscuit

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Cameron raises terror threat level from ‘Boring’ to ‘Arms industry needs sales’

Some members of the public have found the whole process strangely reminiscent of ‘…pretty much every time a Government wants to justify going to war’. One déjà vu victim said: ‘It’s odd the things we are supposed to be scared of. The UK sells Weapons of Mass Destruction to the Middle East for decades – all is calm. Saddam Hussein pretends to have some – the shit hits the fan.

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Man still being studiously ignored in room full of elephants

Despite hovering by the peanuts and desperately trying to make eye contact, Dave Harris is still finding it hard to get noticed by the largely elephantine occupants of The Room.

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Israeli tourists ‘gutted’ that they’re not welcome in Bradford

Tel Aviv airport was unusually quiet yesterday following George Galloway’s announcement that Bradford is to be an ‘Israel-free zone.’ ‘Normally there would be three or four flights a day to Leeds Bradford airport’, a spokesman said. ‘Israelis love Bradford.’

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Silvio Berlusconi off to Iceland after hearing about Bardarbunga action

The frozen-faced former Prime Minister of Italy, Silvio Berlusconi, jetted in to Reykjavik late last night in a state of high excitement expecting a bout of sexual gymnastics for the elderly.

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TV magician’s career hanging by a thread as it’s revealed he can’t fly

A dynamic young magician has stunned fans by revealing he can’t actually fly, levitate or cut people in half and put them back together. He’s asked for several hundred more tricks and illusions to be taken into consideration. Fans have taken to social media to express their disappointment and question his ethic and morals.

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