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Sunderland to open tab with fans and settle at end of season

‘Let’s face it,’ said goalkeeper Vito Mannone ‘the way we’re playing at the moment, it makes more sense just to just have a massive pay-out for the fans at the end of the season as a sort of parachute payment to soften the blow of relegation.

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Porn ‘the only 1970s technology that turned out well’

A government think-tank set up to review technological advances has declared that almost all technologies for which great predictions were made in the 1970s – such as flying cars and robot butlers – have been disappointments, with the sole exception of pornography.

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Speed cameras to be replaced by Eye of Sauron

The deal will save the cash-strapped agency over £250 million, while enabling it to cover every mile of motorway. And a recent test case has shown that that observation by a malign presence that can see everything simultaneously is admissible in court.

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Cameron slams EU diseases as un-British

David Cameron has raised concerns over the quality of EU diseases and called on member states to follow the UK’s lead with such ‘splendid’ infections as whooping cough, chicken pox and scrofula. He singled out syphilis and bubonic plague as ‘shoddy and mean spirited’

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US public mistake The Walking Dead for media’s Ebola coverage

Seventeen million Americans tuned into the fifth season of AMC’s post-apocalyptic horror show The Walking Dead, mostly unaware that it was not a public information film from Fox News.

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