NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Ed Balls to be questioned over Diana’s death

Balls maintains he was in was in Calais at the time in question, purchasing large quantities of wine and cigarettes in order to claim back in expenses at the UK value. Should he be convicted of the crime, it is likely he will face a public tea-bagging by anyone who was affected by the tragedy.

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God does not believe in David Cameron

God has declared that He doesn’t believe in the existence of David Cameron, because He has personally seen no evidence of the party leader or his work, although He respects people comforted by a belief in Cameron

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Grim Reaper traumatised by encounter with David Moyes

‘It was meant to be a supportive gesture,’ said the Reaper. ‘I held the blade close to his face simply to remind him what silverware looked like. But it backfired spectacularly when I smelled the stench of decay.’

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Garden snail travels record 31.8 miles by air

Research on tagged snails by the University of Coventry’s Dr Brian Harrison has uncovered one snail was discovered near some lettuces and tossed over the fence by Mrs Brown into Mrs Pearce’s garden at number 38. This process appears to have been repeated some 2,000 times until the snail finally came to rest in a school field in Dudley.

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Jellyfish now UKs favourite animal says survey

The common jellyfish is now Britain’s favourite pet according to research carried out yesterday.

The creature moved from 1,5000,000th most popular creature in the UK right up to the coveted No1 spot, replacing kittens, puppies and meerkats as the nation’s favourite.

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