Cameron liberates children from forced education
Young people will be able to gain practical skills like rubbish sorting, sweeping and, of course, chimney cleaning while being paid in mobile phone credits, Quavers and Red Bull.
Jedward ‘may have been switched at birth’
The brothers themselves were said to be speechless at the news, albeit briefly. ‘It’s amazing’ shouted John, or possibly Edward.
Train quiet zone infiltrated by noise makers
A train-travelling man was left mildly perturbed after a group of up to four humans entered the designated quiet zone on a train and showed little if any respect for the zone’s esoteric signage.
Wales targets farting in cars
A campaign to stop people farting in cars when carrying children is being launched today. Wales’s chief medical officer explained that breathing in farts in enclosed spaces was harmful to children.
Woman marries her own house
‘The selfish trollop only married it so that it didn’t get repossessed. She owes £15,000 in mortgage arrears. I feel so sorry for any rooms they end up having.’
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