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All international treaties are now to include an asterisk, and be 'subject to terms and conditions'

Several problems have arisen in recent years, when international treaties have been affected by unforseen events which make their implementation inappropriate or politically difficult. From now on the UK government will only sign a treaty if it contains a small asterisk (*) and a reference to terms and conditions which are listed elsewhere.

It is understood that the location of the terms and conditions is to kept as obscure as possible, in line with the usual commercial practice upon which the new policy is based. In fact, in line with insurance companies and telecoms providers, the conditions will not actually exist at the time of signing. They will be put in place later as events unfold.

If there is a need to change the treaty later, a short obscure letter will be sent to all the international bodies involved, addressed to 'the occupant'.

A spokesman for the government said the policy would not harm the UK's standing on the world stage at all. It was noted, however, that he was crossing his fingers behind his back at the time.

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What about the Vogons?

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