NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

UKIP propose residency test questions to be taken from University Challenge

UKIP have unveiled a manifesto pledge to make the British Citizenship UK residency test more stringent by lifting the questions directly from University Challenge. The proposals will also see applicants being asked to play ‘The Lark Ascending’ by Vaughan Williams on the violin instead of singing the national anthem.

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USA sends $47M to Gaza to build more targets for the Israelis

Last night US Congress agreed on an emergency package of $47 million to send to Gaza in order for them to construct better targets for the Israeli Air Force.

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‘Where’s Wally’ search finally called off after body found

The three-decade search for missing globetrotter and time traveller ‘Wally’ was finally called off today, after police discovered the remains of a man in a red and white stripey jumper in the early hours of this morning.

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Queue freaks flock to theme parks for the wait of their lives

‘There’s just something very British about being herded like sheep through narrow channels in the blistering heat at Thorpe Park,’ said father of five, Wayne Leech. ‘The only downside is having to go on the bloody rides.’

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Jack and Jill sue over inappropriate medical advice

‘We went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,’ Jack explained, ‘when I fell back down, fracturing the crown of my head in the process. When Jill rang NHS 111, they suggested bed rest and patching me up with vinegar and brown paper. The next day I learned from my GP that this would not have helped in the slightest.’

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