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‘Ye olde Chilcotte Reporte on ye Hundrede Years War’ finally published

A medieval scribe known as Johannes of Chilcotte is thought to be the author of a crucial historical document that has recently come to light.

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North Korea still ‘unhappy with Panmunjom village Trip Advisor report’

‘Nice remote village, but very noisy at night,’ paraphrased a North Korean tourist official, reading the latest entry on Trip Advisor for Panmonjon village, located in the middle of the DMZ. ‘The South are driving tourists away from the DMZ with their propaganda loudspeakers blaring away day and night,’ he said.

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All childhood aspirations to be erased

‘Unachievable’ career ambitions of youngsters are to be treated with memory-loss drugs to improve the alignment of hopes with reality, a Government spokesman has confirmed.

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Britain to reopen Embassy World Snooker in Tehran

British politicians have confirmed that Tehran and London are to restore diplomatic ties with a celebration of the golden age of Ray Reardon’. Foreign Secretary Philip Hammond will visit Iran and play a series of match play events against 1991 World Champion, ‘chirpy’ John Parrott, heralded by a special performance by Chas & Dave doing Snooker Loopy on the Iranian Tar

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Police arrest man who failed to be devastated by Cilla’s death

A 54-year-old man from Kent is being questioned by police after showing complete indifference towards the death of national treasure, Cilla Black. The man was forcibly removed from his place of work yesterday after colleagues said he displayed an utter lack of mawkishness during the live broadcast of ‘our Cilla’s’ funeral.

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