Fed up with having to deal with inefficient and often sick NHS workers, the UK Health Secretary has introduced a trial of ‘contactless healthcare’, which does away entirely with the need for any physical presence. Just like an oyster card, your new NHS care card can be topped up with platitudes and sound bites ready to be deployed at any time you feel a touch of one-day flu coming on.
In the next chapter of ‘I’m a fading celebrity with a book launch coming up’, Boy George has declared that he would have been ‘a shoo-in’ to captain the England football team into ‘at least two world cups’, but for the discrimination directed towards him by the FA because he was ‘completely useless at football’, having shown utter ineptitude for the sport at school and giving up playing soon afterwards to pursue a career in music.
Immigrant leaders have defended jokes made by foreign comedians at a night club. Many of the jokes appeared to single out Nigel Farage, the leader of the UK Independence Party (UKIP).
The state of Israel is thought to be planning a transfer bid for Russia’s Vladimir Putin when the summer transfer window opens, claim reliable sources.
David Cameron is today under pressure to explain why, two years on, the Coalition government has yet to take full advantage of the UK’s Olympic legacy.
Unfavourable comparisons have been drawn after Russia rode the wave of post-Sochi euphoria across the Ukrainian border, deep into the heart of Crimea.