A rather quizzical British Prime Minister left the Brussels summit last night arm in arm with an equally confused Greek PM, Alexis Tsipras. Having promised to leave the talks with an improved deal for the UK, a sheepish Mr. Cameron emerged from the proceedings as the proud new owner of a bankrupt Greek economy, seven cans of old paint and a four pack of AA batteries ‘with two missing’.
Science fiction and socialism fans alike, have been delighted to discover that in a hypothetical self-contained reality there exists an actual left-wing candidate. The Member of Parliament for Islington North has managed to secure enough nominations to get on the ballot, but only in a parallel universe where there is compassion, collective responsibility and where we are ruled by a race of four-foot high, furry, purple bipeds all named ‘Michael Foot’.
A Russian foreign ministry official has today contradicted reports that a list of ‘banned’ politicians was a result of EU sanctions against Russia. ‘Not at all. It is a simple attempt to support our gentrification process by excluding undesirables who are likely to detract from Russia’s reputation as a lovely place to visit and live.’
Medical experts unexpectedly found the vital life sign on Liz Kendall. Her supporters hope this will help bring some much need vigour to her campaign.