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Parents concerned radicalised girls travel south to join the Tory party

Police, teachers and the parents of three teenagers from Liverpool who have run away from home fear they may have been radicalised and travelled south to join the Conservative party. The three girls were last seen at Watford Gap services, wearing traditional Tory dress of yellow corduroy trousers, tweed jackets and a blue rosette.

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Brits triumph at the Corrupt Politician Awards

British stars were out in force at the Corrupt Politician Awards, held last night in a luxurious but secret overseas location at the UK taxpayers’ expense. Jack Straw and Malcolm Rifkind showed that British sleaze is still as strong as ever and were delighted to pick up the top prizes of lucrative contracts with companies that may or may not exist.

‘It makes you proud to be British’ said the BBC’s Nick Robinson, from beside the red carpet, where the M.P.s posed for photographs by putting their hands over their faces before going inside to be secretly filmed receiving their cash prizes. ‘Britain has shown it is a world force when it comes to dodgy politicians. It takes you back to the hey-day of British sleaze.’

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Primary school children call for sex education for MPs

Some MPs less clued up on relationships than 7-year-oldsA report by an influential committee of schoolchildren has urged the Government do more to ensure the nation’s MPs get the sex and relationships education they need to form healthy relationships with others.

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Facebook to be split into ‘Sanctimonious Bullsh*t’ and ‘Stalking’ divisions

'quantitative poking' button coming soonFollowing its plans to break up Britain’s banks, the EU has announced controversial proposals to separate Facebook into two distinct ‘Sanctimonious Bullsh*t’ and ‘Stalking’ units.

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Petting, bombing and diving to be legalised by UKIP

In an attempt to broaden the appeal of their manifesto, UKIP are set to legalise petting in public swimming baths. Other policy initiatives include an amnesty on library book fines and a very slight reduction in the cost of the TV licence.

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