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Disaffected UK extremists ‘may not be allowed to re-join the Conservative Party’

...won't be allowed abroad either, not that they would ever want to leave UKThe Prime Minister today announced a new raft of measures designed to combat the threat of Britons joining the shadowy extremist group UKIP, including removing the right of those individuals to later return to the Conservative Party.

While support for UKIP continues to grow, many of those who joined are now looking for a way back, having become disillusioned with life in the organisation. Douglas Barswell (not his real name) is one such individual. Douglas joined UKIP a few months ago, after being radicalised by the online sermons of their enigmatic leader Nige Al-Farage, but now wants to leave.

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Miliband to acquire white van and visible bumcrack

‘As it goes I favour the Transit, long wheelbase. It’s a classic innit. None of your foreign shite, Renault or whatever, as driven by some Latvian with a PHd in Economics, a thriving decorating business in Chigwell and a brother on benefits and probably out grooming or dogging most nights. Send ‘em back where they belong, is what I say, subject to the Human Rights Act and existing EU Legislation and the employment needs of a newly recovering economy.’

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Miliband declares victory in US Midterms‏

Apparently Mr Miliband 'whupped their asses real good'Much to the surprise and delight of the Labour faithful, their leader announced sweeping gains in the US Senate today. Despite being separated by a political ideology and 3000 miles of Atlantic Ocean, Ed Miliband was able to take the credit for the Republican Party’s recent success and for becoming the first British female solo artist to have five number one singles in the UK.

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Law of Averages to be repealed

'That's just mean,' say commentatorsThe government has denied that it has run out of sensible policy ideas after announcing that it is to use parliamentary time before the next election to repeal the Law of Averages.

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Council removes Lib Dem politician from Tory foster couple

hoping to regain some self-esteem one dayHis foster parents belong to a political party with ‘a warped view of the world’.

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