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Jubilant Londoners take to the streets in support of Galloway

Not since VE Day have so many people swarmed the capital, to welcome a new era of Galloway self-aggrandisement. Responding to the pleas of orphans and the hopes of a generation, the ex-Respect MP had declared his candidacy for Mayor of London and cat impressionist to the masses.

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Labour to show business-friendly credentials by snorting cocaine

Labour's only remaining option to get its confidence backStung by the revelation that its election campaign did not understand the worlds of enterprise and high finance, the contenders for the party leadership have vowed to prove their business credentials. This will start next week, with Yvette Cooper offering her naked buttocks as a cocaine-cruet for Andy Burnham.

‘In hindsight, our campaign lacked the energy that business-minded people can bring to the party,’ said Burnham, announcing the snorting programme. ‘We have overlooked the kind of people who aspire to prosperity, wealth and reckless behaviour involving snorting Class A drugs from leadership contenders’ naked flesh.’

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Scotland invited to make its bloody mind up

there'll be a gloaming in their roamingsEngland, Wales and Northern Ireland, the other three constituent parts of the Divided Kingdom, have come together to ask Scotland if it wouldn’t mind pouring itself a nice glass of Irn-Bru and sorting its head out once and for all. This follows a referendum last year in which Scotland voted strongly against independence and a general election earlier this month in which it voted overwhelmingly for a party whose sole purpose is to secure independence.

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Giant Thatcher statue to ‘make Scotland British again’

yes, yes, yesDavid Cameron has revealed government proposals designed to ‘make Scotland British again’, beginning with the erection of a massive monument to Baroness Thatcher in Glasgow’s George Square.

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Press decide to harass Chuka Umunna and family anyway

what's 'e got to 'ide, eh?The British media is to continue its unwarranted intrusion into the lives of Chuka Umunna and his friends and family even though the MP has withdrawn his bid to become Labour leader.

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