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Candy Crushgate latest: more MPs ‘eating, sleeping, enjoying themselves’

interrupted before he even got to level 5Following on from their exclusive report into a Conservative MP playing Candy Crush during a Commons committee hearing, The Sun struck another body-blow to the Conservative Party by revealing one of their members was spotted asleep on a train last Friday night.

Member of Parliament for Bury North, Mr David Nuttall, was seen on the 21:07 from London Euston to Manchester Piccadilly stretched out, head back, eyes closed and gently rhythmically snoring between Milton Keynes and Crewe.

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Nigel Farage fears ‘rivers of congestion’

it's all black and white!Alluding to Enoch Powell’s prophetic warning in 1968, the UKIP leader claimed that Britain’s waterways will soon be clogged up with east Europeans on barge holidays. Speaking to supporters, Mr. Farage reportedly referred to ‘the River Tiber foaming with much blood, shopping trollies and regattas of benefit tourists’.

Likewise he spoke of his concern that all the first-class seats on public transport were now reserved for ‘single mothers from Albania’.

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Clegg ‘in tears’ after Cameron reveals truth about Santa

it's really going to hurt when he reaises Lib Dem voters don't exist eitherNick Clegg is reported to have fled the Cabinet Briefing Room in tears today following an ‘emotional’ and ‘frank’ discussion with David Cameron about Father Christmas.

‘I told Dave to stop,’ said Vince Cable, ‘but he seemed to be enjoying Nick’s discomfort a little too much. He had this sly little smile on his face. George Osborne was there too, warming his backside against the fire and throwing in snide comments about the Tooth Fairy.’

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Scotland to be allowed to choose their own plot directions in EastEnders

'it ain't wurf it'In yet another concession towards Scottish nationalists, Westminster has announced that from Summer 2015 Holyrood will be able to take control of plot and character development in the version of EastEnders broadcast in Scotland.

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Disaffected UK extremists ‘may not be allowed to re-join the Conservative Party’

...won't be allowed abroad either, not that they would ever want to leave UKThe Prime Minister today announced a new raft of measures designed to combat the threat of Britons joining the shadowy extremist group UKIP, including removing the right of those individuals to later return to the Conservative Party.

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