PoliticsBiscuit
‘The British electorate have a very important decision to make,’ said Samantha Cameron, ‘which one of us would you most like to sleep with?’
Speaking on Milfsnet.com all three leaders’ wives pitched their wares. Sarah Brown said: ‘My husband is more than happy that I am offering myself to the nation although anyone wishing to sleep with me will have to pass Gordon’s five conditions for entry.’
Britain’s torch bearing mob community is up in arms after word went around that the UK’s prime minister was given a new identity after the Gulf War, and may be given a new one again in May.
‘Who is the prime minister anyway?’ said the leader of the mob. ‘I don’t give a monkey’s. All politicians are the same anyway. But I tell you this – if the bastard came into our pub, he’d get his head kicked in.’
The former Foreign Secretary, who died in 2005, will give evidence at a special evening séance of the Chilcot Committee via television psychic, Derek Acorah. ‘I am delighted to be helping Robin give evidence to the Inquiry,’ said Acorah, ‘I have been practising his voice and I have even grown a little pointy beard for the occasion.’
The séance, held in conjunction with Living TV’s Most Haunted, will be conducted in candlelight using the traditional round table format, billowing curtains and ouija board – a method previously employed by the intelligence services to establish whether Iraq was harbouring WMDs.
The format for the long-awaited election debate between the leaders of the main political parties has finally been agreed, with the rules based on the popular Radio 4 panel game Just A Minute.
‘Each candidate will attempt to speak for sixty seconds without repetition, hesitation or deviation,’ said debate moderator Nicholas Parsons, ‘points will be awarded to any contestant who manages to speak sense for an entire minute – which is almost unheard of.’
