The Metropolitan Police has advertised for a Professional Apologist to help them keep up with all the cock-ups, racism and murders.
The most recent cock-up was their ‘monitoring’ of double-murderer Simon Levy, who nevertheless managed to murder two women and rape a third while under their scrutiny.
‘Not really our fault, is it?’ said a spokesman. ‘He’s not a serving police officer. I can understand the public being grumpy when it’s an actual Met officer who’s the killer, but we can’t seriously be expected to stop known criminals from murdering people, can we? That’s just what they do’.
It’s quite the dilemma – the Met can either get better at dealing with crime or develop its damage limitation skills. Some officers are unhappy with the plan: ‘It’s one rule for the police and a different one for scrotes’, an officer told us. ‘Every time we do something a little off – murder a civilian, rape somebody, forget to turn up at an incident – we have to apologise. When did you last see an organised crime group spend money on marketing? No, they’re okay just to spend it on high living and bribing coppers. Oh – you’re not recording this, are you?’
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