NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

ScienceBiscuit

Tim Cook: Proud to be gay, not proud of iTunes

'discrimination against Windows is wrong!'Apple’s CEO has given his support to alternate sexualities but refused to endorse any music player that refuses to sync with other devices. A spokesman for the global corporation admitted: ‘We need to be tolerant of all MP3 players regardless of brand. As a market leader we need to be more accepting of others – even if Windows Media Player is a crime against nature’.

Read more >



Ice cube tray manufacturer wins award for irretrievable ice cubes

ice buggery bastards, more likeFor over 30 years, ice cube tray manufacturers have been engaged in a race to develop a container from which frozen water can never be extracted. Today UK company Pro-Plastic has been recognised for making the first container from which ice cubes cannot be retrieved, irrespective of the cunning and skill of the users.

Read more >



Rosetta to attempt first graffito of a penis in space

Initially it is planned that Rosetta will land a small probe capable of sketching a cartoon cock on the surface ‘as a statement as to the impermanence of life, art and snowballs in hell.’

Read more >



McAfee unveils first homeopathic antivirus software

expensive and may take a while to work, but don't give up on it, says McAfeeInternet security specialist McAfee today announced the first of its long-awaited “alternative” products, which it claims will address the growing threat of Trojans, Spyware and Bot Nets without the decrease in performance usually associated with evidence-based Antivirus software.

Read more >



Pepper spray drones to target middle class dinner parties

terribly interesting story rudely interruptedThe South Africa-based arms manufacturer, Desert Wolf, has secured sales to a mining company wishing to ‘stamp out’ illicit middle-class soirees and those who overstep the international boundaries of dinner party etiquette. To this end ‘Skunk Drones’, disguised as ornithological pepper mills, will spray anyone seen to be ignoring dress codes, arriving late without a gift for the hostess or ‘using the wrong soup spoon’.

Read more >