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ScienceBiscuit

Google Glasses ‘would have detected Savile’

celebrity encounters can be videoed and instantly uploaded to YouTubeCountering claims that the latest technology from Google will only further invade people’s privacy, the company has declared that their innovative, interactive ‘Glass’ spectacles are so brilliant they could have helped police in identifying celebratory perverts.

While originally designed to recognise historic landmarks, the new glasses also come loaded with secret, pre-programmed face and iris recognition and behavioural analysis tools as standard. Google chief executive, Eric Schmidt, explained that the new technology would finally help the public look into the souls of, say, Ant and Dec, tell you what they’re like and really help in telling them apart. ‘Yes they look like Geordie hobbits, but which is which? And what are they up to? These glasses will finally let you know.’

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Mobile phone technology set to revolutionise things we already do quite easily

simplifying life couldn't get any more complicatedNew apps for smartphones are set to revolutionise the way humans interact with stuff, with many analysts using the brand new ‘thumbs-up’ app to give a massive thumbs up to the new technology.

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New Data Communications Bill to store everyone’s thoughts for a year

Government already knows that you know that they know that you don't want them to know what they already knowPlans to monitor the contents of everyone’s head came a step closer today with a proposed amendment to the government’s draft Data Communications Bill.

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Female astronaut fails to reverse park spacecraft in space station docking bay

male astronauts later failed to find her clitorisAfter the successful launch of a manned Delta IV heavy rocket into space and its orbit of the International Space Station, NASA scientists were faced with a potential catastrophe yesterday as flight engineer Natalie Schlimberg attempted to dock the ten-ton craft onto the space station.

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Britain’s oldest man still waiting for BT Infinity

if only he could remember his password...Britain’s oldest man is celebrating his 110th birthday, whilst continuing to wait for BT to sort out his wireless broadband service.

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