Outcry as government to send refugees to Huddersfield

There has been widespread criticism of a new policy announced by Home Secretary and functioning sociopath Priti Patel to send refugees to Huddersfield for "processing" to see if they are eligible, if they aren't they are returned to the warzone where they came from, if they're unlucky they get to live in Huddersfield.

"This is a sensible policy.", explained Ms Patel, "I remember the looks on my parents' faces when I sent them to the Bileretch Retirement Home in Huddersfield, and that made me think that if one thing will deter refugees, it's Huddersfield."

Tory MP defends awarding of Savile knighthood

A Tory MP has defended the awarding of a knighthood to children’s entertainer Jimmy Savile saying that if it hadn’t been for the disgraced entertainers relentless pursuit of children and young adults for sexual gratification we may never have known the full extent of paedophilia here in the UK.

Barnet MP Gummidge Boufficant says Savile’s contribution in bringing the vile crime to our attention and his lifelong friendship with former Tory leader Margaret Thatcher should never be underestimated and a knighthood was the least he deserved.

The serial defender of the indefensible, known for his trademark toadying and sycophantic manner was adamant that Savile’s knighthood had been well deserved at the time and that people should not judge him by today’s standards.

Mr.Boufficant also defended Boris Johnson’s breaches of Covid law by saying everybody was partying during lockdown and people such as teachers and nurses were mostly pissed throughout the pandemic and had clearly broken lockdown rules.

'Now….can I call upon you to sign my petition to get Dr.Harold Shipman a posthumous knighthood for his role in highlighting the plight of the elderly under Tony Blair’s Labour government’ added Mr.Boufficant.

Britney Spears and Adele to feature on Britains Got Talent

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