- NewsBiscuit
- Jan 27, 2023
Cinemas are now no more than places to experience over-priced popcorn and avoid the weather. With one of America’s largest cinema chains (AMC) allowing millennials to text during films, customers will be encouraged to break the monotony of yet another superhero movie; with silent discos, geochaching and group masturbation.
The admission that cinemas cannot compete with Snapchat is further proof that anyone under-30 has the concentration span of mayfly. Disinterest has reached a point where many cinema-goers do not realise they are facing the wrong way. One disinterested punter commented: ‘I’d rather read a book of the movie.’
In a statement issued today, Novak Industries have said they regret the decision to add an emotion chip to their most famous product, the Djokovic.
”It just seemed the next logical step,” explained the company’s Head of Product Development. “We’d made it look convincingly human… OK, we never quite got the hair right, but aside from that. And it was beating almost every human opponent at tennis.
”So we thought we’d try and give it the ability to be pleased when it won a point. Or at least, to look as if it was pleased - I’m happy to leave that question to the philosophers.”
Early results were disappointing, however, as the Djokovic began displaying signs of annoyance with spectators and arguing with its on-site technician.
”It’s a classic case of unintended consequences. We should have known better - it was always a disaster when they tried it with Data in Star Trek TNG.”
However, they weren’t optimistic about their chances of ever removing the chip, as the Djokovic declared they could “take it from [his] cold, dead object manipulation peripherals” before breaking down in tears crying “Why does no one love me?”
Image: TheDigitalArtist | Pixabay