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Demand for Junior Doctors an antisemitic trope


Plans to increase the number of medical school places has been seen as an attempt to perpetuate a Jewish caricature, that there is a shortage of good son-in-laws. The Health Secretary has tried to defend his position by claiming that comedians throughout the Catskill Mountains have been exploiting such formulaic gags for generations.


A spokeswoman and mother said: ‘We need to do more to challenge stereotypes, particularly the one that we are trying to live vicariously through the social status of our children. The Minister and should know better. But he seems like such a nice boy – is he married?’


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UK resumes animal testing having run out of voters to torture



After a 25 year ban, Britain has decided that nothing says animal rights like a vaping rabbit, wearing mascara. Products will no longer be advertised as cruelty-free, but will come with free-cruelty.


A spokesperson explained: 'I wouldn't say it's ethical to have a pitbull wearing lipstick, but it is sexy.'


Previously the only dumb animals forced to wear ridiculous make-up were models. Said one cat: 'I'm 12 and I've already had breast implants and lip filler. I can only assume I'm going to meet Prince Andrew.'




More mass shootings essential say US Republicans



Reading from a well-thumbed template, a Republican spokesman said 'It's important not to politicise this tragedy in... wherever it is this time. By politicise, we mean do anything to prevent the next round of eminently avoidable slaughter.'

'Thoughts and prayers, that's our shtick... but what we're thinking about and what we're praying for is more mass shootings, ideally school shootings, more often. That constant stream of suffering and death means we can always say there has been a shooting too recently to pass gun control laws right now.'


'The NRA say guns don't kill people, rappers do. Anyway, nothing boosts gun sales - and therefore political donations - like 24/7 gun coverage. You say far right extremist with mental health issues. We say just another responsible gun owner - also thanks for reminding us to cut mental health funding. Snowflakes.'




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